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Archive for May, 2008

To the Ely Walker resident who let their dog pee in the elevator this morning

Thursday, May 1st, 2008
I admire the time and dedication it takes to care for your K9 friend. I appreciate your attentiveness to the responsibilities of being a dog owner—feeding and fetch, walking and playing. Personally, I couldn’t do it.

Apparently this morning, neither could you.

We, the residents of Ely Walker—and more importantly the cleaning crew—understand how arduous a task cleaning up after Sparky can be. This is especially true when he drains his bladder in the elevator on a day you are running late to work.

Be assured that there are no hard feelings. In a few hours time, I will be grateful for the obligations that kept you from performing your dog-owning duties this morning. Later today when I meet with the Vice President of International Sales for my financial review, I’m sure the smell will be the deciding factor in whether or not I receive the substantial raise I’ve been entitled to for the last 18 months; the same raise that will finally afford me the luxury of laundering the pants that soaked up the scent of the glorious yellow puddle I failed to avoid in the elevator. How selfish of me to assume that you, a dog owner, would feel obligated to clean up after your four-legged friend.

Next time, set out an orange cone to let the rest of us know that we should raise our pant legs and step to the right when entering the elevator.